Wednesday, August 19, 2009

A new road with an uncertain destination.

Almost everything is about the same in my life at the moment, its been a tough month, but I've learned many things from it, and in some ways its been one of the most centering months of my life, I've learned allot about myself in this time as well, although it is rather daunting understanding how much I really have left to learn...

I've been procrastinating on allot of major decisions lately mostly because I'm completely unsure what to do, but I hope to change that soon.

I've let go of many things this last month, things that didn't matter, things that did, guilt from things that I shouldn't feel guilty for, and for things I should feel guilty for, dreams I've held on to for most of my life, even some dreams newly formed... And my soul feels lighter for it, I haven't even begun to scratch the surface yet of all the things I want to/need to let go, I'm sure that goal will elude me till I learn to stop chasing it, but that is easier said than done...

A short while ago I was convinced that killing myself was the only way to get rid of all the things I just couldn't shake, although I've not been able to completely let go of yet much of the feelings that culminated in such a drastic belief, I no longer feel like ending things the easy way, working things out in my heart and learning to live even if its not the way I want that life to be has come to seem like a new sort of adventure to me, a road I'm not entirely sure of, a road that in many ways I'm rather scared of, but a road I am now eager to travel.

There will be new updates soon...hopefully good ones,lol