The candle that sparks the Inferno.

All one can do is live their life the best way they know how, and hope that by doing so they help to bring enough light into the world to illuminate every corner of the globe, driving away the shadows that plague us.

You are not powerless, you just need to accept your power for what it is, a part of the whole, no one man can save the world, but you can be a light to those who envelope themselves in darkness, The candle that sparks the inferno.

TCB! Ecomom giveaway!

Turning the clock back is having another giveaway! this time for a LOVE chill bag and cooler set by ecomom! heres the link to the blog post! Turning the Clock Back: Ecomom giveaway!

We are assholes.

We are all assholes.Before you stab me in the face, hear me out!

We all act selfish sometimes, we all make decisions that knowingly hurt some one else at least occasionally (or at least don't really take into account somebody's feelings in situations where we really should have), we all lose control and say things we regret at least once in awhile in our lives, and at some point in time all of us have acted petty or mean, with or without good reason, it happens.

Does this make us bad human beings? Does this make us better or worse than anyone else?
No, it makes us Human, it makes us conscious and emotional beings.

The main difference between being a REAL asshole, and just being human is in the amount of introspection you choose to exercise in these situations, and the course of action you choose to take in response, being human is to be in a constant state of change, to learn and adapt, to every day; become something more than what you where the day before, Don't spend your life regretting the past; but do your best to learn from it and change the future.

Something I told a friend awhile ago, that she copied back to me when I was having some problems, it helps bring allot of things into better perspective for me at the moment...

"Life,It always changes, and sometimes it feels like its changed for the worst, but change is neither good or bad, it is a part of living, we don't ever want things to change, but without change, there is no life... Death is the only thing that doesn't change, and THAT is the beauty of life, every day is a new reality, a new chance for beauty and love to enter our life, a realm of unlimited possibilities..."

Giveaway on Turning the clock back:D

I was directed to a blog in which there is a give away for bora bora bars and merchandise by bora bora's facebook page, and I have to say,  its a pretty interesting blog, So im following it as well now, so I can go ba ck later and read some more of it, seems pretty cool. heres a link to it in case youd like to enter as well:D Turning back the clock

Dream I had last night...

 I'm walking through a dessert,  the hot red sun baking everything around me, but I can only see it for brief moments as the sand envelopes me more and more with every step, I see every single grain as it passes by me, some stinging me, some settling uncomfortably into my clothes, some blinding me, I keep walking till I reach a large boulder, I climb to the top of this boulder to only find another, I keep climbing and climbing, boulder after boulder, I finally reach the top, I stare out over the maelstrom, to find nothing but sand in every direction, and as I stand there,I see the maelstrom churn with its desire to rip away at me, one piece of sharp hot sand at a time, reluctant to leave the sanctuary of this small mountain, I stare deeply into the depths of the cutting winds...Knowing there is only one way out of the dessert, I cover my face, as I stand on the edge of this little mountain of boulders, I cant decide whether to just sit there and wait for the end, or to dive back into the maelstrom...

Not to seem trite...

...But I've had some rather trans-formative experiences lately, I experienced love from two friends who had no ulterior motives other than being my friend and enjoying my presence in their lives, I experienced happiness beyond anything Ive ever felt before, I was kissed by a thousand cherry blossoms,  and embraced by two shining suns,  and I was able to attain a level of peace and quiet in my mind for a short while there that ive seldom even touched for a second previously... it was quite wonderful.:)

Becoming Sunshine.

Sometimes when you feel everything is going right in your life, then that one thing happens to make it seem like its all come crashing down, and your surrounded by a storm of confusion and doubt and fear and and anger... Sometimes you have to look right into the eye of that storm and tell it that you are NOT going to be blown aside, that you are NOT going to drown in its torrents, and sometimes you just have to plant both your feet firmly on the ground and allow its lightening to hit you full force, take all of its energy into you, accept it into the very core of you, then instead of allowing that storm to consume you, YOU consume IT, hold it inside of you, and love it till it transforms into a beautiful light that radiates out from you, gently warming all who are near.

Update!

woohoo, ok, I talked with the guy mentioned in a previous post, and he has calmed down for now and isnt being a jerk anymore...yay...now im off, sorry I couldnt make this longer but I gotta head out!

Anger...

Its an unpleasant feeling, I haven't felt this angry in a very long time, and I really don't like it, feeling like you really WANT to cause harm to another human being feels really terrible, I probably dislike it more than just about any other feeling Ive ever felt... But when a man repeatedly disrespects you, and even more importantly, talks about the woman you love like she is a piece of meat, it becomes very difficult to resist the urge to get angry, when he continued his behavior after I made it clear I found it highly inappropriate, it made me more angry, especially considering the fact that in-spite of how he has treated me the last few times we have hung out, I have been quite friendly and nice and polite to him... im starting to wonder if he is purposely trying to invite physical violence from me...and honestly, I may give him his wish soon if he cant learn some respect, not out of anger hopefully, but to show him that his actions have consequences and I will not allow his behavior to continue if he wishes to be anywhere near me.

Good news!

They found her and she is ok!!!yay:D

12 year old girl missing!!!

My friends 12 year old sister has been missing for 2 days now, whatever your beliefs, please pray for her safe return, her name is Julia...

I refuse to use twitter...

Life is conflict, Logic is a match which can easily be engulfed in flame and consumed by our passions if we are not careful... I'm careful, but I'm itching for change...and my fingers seem to have strike pads attached to them...

Im standing on a pillar...

...in the middle of the earth, up so high I can almost reach the moon, I'm facing every direction at once, I feel like jumping, but every way down seems like certain death, but if I stay where I am I will run out of oxygen soon...hmmm

hmmm...

last night was pretty excellent, Hope to have one like it again, and soon...

Have you ever...

Bought something only to realize later that its completely different from what you wanted/needed? Done something then realized it wasn't what you really meant to do? Hated something because it reminded you of a part of yourself (real or imagined) you didn't like?

Motorcycle?!

well, somebody has emailed me about possibly wanting to buy my car which I cant afford to fix, if they do then I will have enough money to buy and insure a motorcycle! specifically a 250cc honda Rebel, from the mid to late 80's, gets 90mpg on average, which means I'll be able to go almost anywhere I want on the west coast for next to nothing!!! im so excited... I hope he buys the car, I love this car, but being able to go down south and visit my family for $20 round trip would be pretty awesome... and having transportation will make it easier for me to find more work, so the possibility of more money, so I can then buy a car again for the rainy times... but the traveling, that will be the best part...I could go across the entire country for around $100 or so...well, as far as the cost of gas goes that is...

random thoughts...

Im tired but I cant sleep, I'm hungry but I cant eat, Ive got a million things to say, but I cant speak... It seems to be the mantra of my life, cant cant cant... right now I feel like I cant even come close to describing exactly what I mean, but maybe all these "cants" in my life are just "wont's"... maybe I don't know how to do something yet, or express things the way I want , but saying I "cant" wont get me any closer, it only serves to limit me I think... maybe I should start saying "I don't know how yet!" or "I'm almost able to sleep." maybe it wont be for another day or two, but I will still find sleep eventually... And even if I am unable at the moment to get the meaning of my words across to those I'm speaking to, maybe I eventually will be able to...

Or maybe I cant do anything the way I want, so I'll have to adjust my wants to the needs of each individual situation... Who knows... I'm just thinking out-loud...well, quietly out-loud, as this is typed, and I don't type very loud... hahaha (can you sense the sleep deprivation?lol)

Im back!-ish...

well im back on, mostly because I just remembered I have this site,lol... I've been really busy, oddly not doing to much... I did move though, and have been looking for more work, thinking of joining the navy pretty soon here too, not really sure...I know some of my physical problems will make it impossible for me to join if I tell them the truth about it, so my only choice would be to lie about them, then hope I can make it through basic in-spite of them... I know exactly what I want to do with my life, its kinda funny, most people dont have a clue what they want to do, but I have no idea how I will do it, everything I try doesnt pan out... oh and believe me, I try allot of different paths to take me to my goals...

Why does it seem that the simpler your goal, the more complex the path is? oh well, all I can do is keep trying, and find what measure of peace I can in this world and be happy with it whether I reach my goals or not... sometimes I wonder if the only point of life is being alive, then I have a hard time deciding whether or not I should feel sad or relieved...

Falling Tacos.

Has Anyone heard that Jerry Springer has a place in Sarasota?
I mention this because I'm still waiting for Tonya Harding to move down there and make it a clean sweep.

I;m going through withdrawal because I haven't heard anything about her since she beat that guy in the head with a hubcap at a hoedown.
And what about the poor guy? I don't think there's a better time to sit down for that little heart to heart with yourself. "Good morning. This is your wake-up call, It's from Darwin."

But that's just one persons tiny drama, meaningless except in the bigger picture, which is trying to isolate the exact moment we turned into a trash nation, and nearest I can tell, it was one second after Nancy Kerrigan took a telescoping blackjack to the knee, Now there was a cute little soap opera.

What an absolutely fascinating underwater view into the Kmart inflatable backyard American gene pool. I have a dirty little confession... I Loved it!!! We may have learned everything we need to know about life in kindergarten, But you know what? we can learn everything we need to know about the incredibly rude, selfish, infantile country we've become by observing the human spokes revolving around the Tonya Harding sociocultural axis.

The Greeks reveled in Homeric tragicomedies, the English lived out Shakespearean dramas... But we, America, are the cast of the kerrigan farce, Is it any wonder we've thrown manners, compassion and respect out the window? We've become one big, self -absorbed nation holding up an ice skate, pointing at a broken laces and blubbering our eyes out.

We don't know our neighbors anymore, We have no shame, no consideration, no sense of duty or sacrifice. Need more metaphors? We wont go the extra mile, meet anyone halfway, And IF, somehow, somewhere, anything at all goes in our pathetic daily wanderings, if some random misfortune drops at our feet and splatters like a taco supreme, we don't commence tidying up the floor and getting on with our lives, We start making a litigious radar sweep of the room, seeing if there's anyone in recrimination range, some entitlement cadet to whom we can construct a Bridge-over-the-river-Kwai blame path of tortured logic and sheer, reality sculpting self deception.

Maybe they handled a taco once, maybe even MADE tacos, Maybe they could have warned you--- Yes, they knew all about that treacherously viscous emulsion of grease and sour cream on wax wrapper. They deliberately chose not to say anything as they saw it slipping out of your hand in Peckinpah slow motion while you where trying to eat, talk on the phone, and log on to eBay all at the same time.

Well, here's a news flash for you. Believe it or not, the blacks and the gays and the Jews did not drop your taco, YOU dropped the fucking taco my friend! It doesn't make you a bad person, It doesn't even mean its your fault. What it does mean is that this cosmic slapstick we call life has just elected you the schmuck who has to go get the mop, So get the goddamn mop already! Don't just stand there staring down, reliving the lunch that could have been and trying to figure out how affirmative action did this to you, That's just the way life is, It can be exquisite, cruel, frequently wacky, But above all utterly, UTTERLY random.

Those twin impostors in the bell fringed jester hats, Justice and Fairness--they aren't constants of the natural order like entropy and the periodic table, They're completely alien notions to the way things happen out there in the human rain forest, Justice and fairness are things WE'RE supposed to contribute back to the world for giving us the gift of life, Not Birthrights we should expect and demand every second of the day! What do you say we drop the intellectual cowardice? There is no fate, and there is no safety net, I'm not saying God doesn't exist, I believe in God, But he's not a micro-manager, so stop asking him to drop the crisis in Rwanda and help you find your wallet.

Life is a long, lonely journey down a day-in-day-out lard trail of dropped tacos, MOP IT UP! Not for yourself, but for the guy behind you who's to busy trying not to drop his own tacos to make sure he doesn't slip and fall on YOUR mistakes.

So DON'T speed and weave in traffic, other people have babies in their cars, Don't litter, Don't begrudge the poor because they have fucking food stamps, Don't be rude to overwhelmed minimum wage sales clerks, ESPECIALLY teenagers, they have that job because they don't have a clue, we didn't either at that age, Be understanding with them, share your clues, Remember that your sense of humor is inversely proportional to your intolerance. Stop and think on veterans day, And don't forget to vote, That is, unless you send money to TV preachers, Have more than a passing interest in alien abduction or recently purchased a fish on a wall plaque that sings "Don't worry, be happy." In that case, the polls are a scary scary place! Under every ballot box is a trapdoor chute to an extra-terrestrial escape pod filled with dental tools and squeaking, masturbating little green men from the Devil Star.

In Conclusion, Keep your chins up, grab your mops and get in the game! You don't have to make a pile of money or change society, Just clean up after yourselves without complaining, And above all, please stop and appreciate the days when the tacos don't fall, and give heartfelt thanks to whomever you pray to, I love you all.

...

A soulmate?...I have a taste of some one like that in my life, a hint, a gossamer thread drifting through the darkness in my mind, gently tossed from side to side by the winds of my soul...translucent and glowing, it gently carresses my heart, warming it for a single moment, then quietly floats on, for it has many hearts to touch, and mine isnt meant to be the last.

Its a Dream.