Motorcycle?!

well, somebody has emailed me about possibly wanting to buy my car which I cant afford to fix, if they do then I will have enough money to buy and insure a motorcycle! specifically a 250cc honda Rebel, from the mid to late 80's, gets 90mpg on average, which means I'll be able to go almost anywhere I want on the west coast for next to nothing!!! im so excited... I hope he buys the car, I love this car, but being able to go down south and visit my family for $20 round trip would be pretty awesome... and having transportation will make it easier for me to find more work, so the possibility of more money, so I can then buy a car again for the rainy times... but the traveling, that will be the best part...I could go across the entire country for around $100 or so...well, as far as the cost of gas goes that is...

random thoughts...

Im tired but I cant sleep, I'm hungry but I cant eat, Ive got a million things to say, but I cant speak... It seems to be the mantra of my life, cant cant cant... right now I feel like I cant even come close to describing exactly what I mean, but maybe all these "cants" in my life are just "wont's"... maybe I don't know how to do something yet, or express things the way I want , but saying I "cant" wont get me any closer, it only serves to limit me I think... maybe I should start saying "I don't know how yet!" or "I'm almost able to sleep." maybe it wont be for another day or two, but I will still find sleep eventually... And even if I am unable at the moment to get the meaning of my words across to those I'm speaking to, maybe I eventually will be able to...

Or maybe I cant do anything the way I want, so I'll have to adjust my wants to the needs of each individual situation... Who knows... I'm just thinking out-loud...well, quietly out-loud, as this is typed, and I don't type very loud... hahaha (can you sense the sleep deprivation?lol)

Im back!-ish...

well im back on, mostly because I just remembered I have this site,lol... I've been really busy, oddly not doing to much... I did move though, and have been looking for more work, thinking of joining the navy pretty soon here too, not really sure...I know some of my physical problems will make it impossible for me to join if I tell them the truth about it, so my only choice would be to lie about them, then hope I can make it through basic in-spite of them... I know exactly what I want to do with my life, its kinda funny, most people dont have a clue what they want to do, but I have no idea how I will do it, everything I try doesnt pan out... oh and believe me, I try allot of different paths to take me to my goals...

Why does it seem that the simpler your goal, the more complex the path is? oh well, all I can do is keep trying, and find what measure of peace I can in this world and be happy with it whether I reach my goals or not... sometimes I wonder if the only point of life is being alive, then I have a hard time deciding whether or not I should feel sad or relieved...

Falling Tacos.

Has Anyone heard that Jerry Springer has a place in Sarasota?
I mention this because I'm still waiting for Tonya Harding to move down there and make it a clean sweep.

I;m going through withdrawal because I haven't heard anything about her since she beat that guy in the head with a hubcap at a hoedown.
And what about the poor guy? I don't think there's a better time to sit down for that little heart to heart with yourself. "Good morning. This is your wake-up call, It's from Darwin."

But that's just one persons tiny drama, meaningless except in the bigger picture, which is trying to isolate the exact moment we turned into a trash nation, and nearest I can tell, it was one second after Nancy Kerrigan took a telescoping blackjack to the knee, Now there was a cute little soap opera.

What an absolutely fascinating underwater view into the Kmart inflatable backyard American gene pool. I have a dirty little confession... I Loved it!!! We may have learned everything we need to know about life in kindergarten, But you know what? we can learn everything we need to know about the incredibly rude, selfish, infantile country we've become by observing the human spokes revolving around the Tonya Harding sociocultural axis.

The Greeks reveled in Homeric tragicomedies, the English lived out Shakespearean dramas... But we, America, are the cast of the kerrigan farce, Is it any wonder we've thrown manners, compassion and respect out the window? We've become one big, self -absorbed nation holding up an ice skate, pointing at a broken laces and blubbering our eyes out.

We don't know our neighbors anymore, We have no shame, no consideration, no sense of duty or sacrifice. Need more metaphors? We wont go the extra mile, meet anyone halfway, And IF, somehow, somewhere, anything at all goes in our pathetic daily wanderings, if some random misfortune drops at our feet and splatters like a taco supreme, we don't commence tidying up the floor and getting on with our lives, We start making a litigious radar sweep of the room, seeing if there's anyone in recrimination range, some entitlement cadet to whom we can construct a Bridge-over-the-river-Kwai blame path of tortured logic and sheer, reality sculpting self deception.

Maybe they handled a taco once, maybe even MADE tacos, Maybe they could have warned you--- Yes, they knew all about that treacherously viscous emulsion of grease and sour cream on wax wrapper. They deliberately chose not to say anything as they saw it slipping out of your hand in Peckinpah slow motion while you where trying to eat, talk on the phone, and log on to eBay all at the same time.

Well, here's a news flash for you. Believe it or not, the blacks and the gays and the Jews did not drop your taco, YOU dropped the fucking taco my friend! It doesn't make you a bad person, It doesn't even mean its your fault. What it does mean is that this cosmic slapstick we call life has just elected you the schmuck who has to go get the mop, So get the goddamn mop already! Don't just stand there staring down, reliving the lunch that could have been and trying to figure out how affirmative action did this to you, That's just the way life is, It can be exquisite, cruel, frequently wacky, But above all utterly, UTTERLY random.

Those twin impostors in the bell fringed jester hats, Justice and Fairness--they aren't constants of the natural order like entropy and the periodic table, They're completely alien notions to the way things happen out there in the human rain forest, Justice and fairness are things WE'RE supposed to contribute back to the world for giving us the gift of life, Not Birthrights we should expect and demand every second of the day! What do you say we drop the intellectual cowardice? There is no fate, and there is no safety net, I'm not saying God doesn't exist, I believe in God, But he's not a micro-manager, so stop asking him to drop the crisis in Rwanda and help you find your wallet.

Life is a long, lonely journey down a day-in-day-out lard trail of dropped tacos, MOP IT UP! Not for yourself, but for the guy behind you who's to busy trying not to drop his own tacos to make sure he doesn't slip and fall on YOUR mistakes.

So DON'T speed and weave in traffic, other people have babies in their cars, Don't litter, Don't begrudge the poor because they have fucking food stamps, Don't be rude to overwhelmed minimum wage sales clerks, ESPECIALLY teenagers, they have that job because they don't have a clue, we didn't either at that age, Be understanding with them, share your clues, Remember that your sense of humor is inversely proportional to your intolerance. Stop and think on veterans day, And don't forget to vote, That is, unless you send money to TV preachers, Have more than a passing interest in alien abduction or recently purchased a fish on a wall plaque that sings "Don't worry, be happy." In that case, the polls are a scary scary place! Under every ballot box is a trapdoor chute to an extra-terrestrial escape pod filled with dental tools and squeaking, masturbating little green men from the Devil Star.

In Conclusion, Keep your chins up, grab your mops and get in the game! You don't have to make a pile of money or change society, Just clean up after yourselves without complaining, And above all, please stop and appreciate the days when the tacos don't fall, and give heartfelt thanks to whomever you pray to, I love you all.

...

A soulmate?...I have a taste of some one like that in my life, a hint, a gossamer thread drifting through the darkness in my mind, gently tossed from side to side by the winds of my soul...translucent and glowing, it gently carresses my heart, warming it for a single moment, then quietly floats on, for it has many hearts to touch, and mine isnt meant to be the last.

Its a Dream.

*sigh* draaaama drama drama >.<

Well, one of my "friends" has finally shown his true colors, he has completely snapped, saying things that I have proof are lies, insulting me, the usual bs... And honestly, I feel kinda good that i can now just call the friendship off, I dont need somebody that is so negative in my life, all of his talk about slitting peoples throats, ripping out their guts, burning them alive... I think I shall be quite happy without having to listen to that crap anymore, without having to worry about when he is going to snap and hurt somebody, and without having such a person who's very presence is oppressive hovering around me anymore... I feel good about cutting him out of my life, even if its not the way I would've preferred things to go, its how I need them to be right now.

I pity da foo.

"...And one day he would look back upon the fool and know the fool.
Even now he could feel the start of the long journey, the leave-taking, the going-away from the self he had been."-Ray Bradbury

I am a fool, more often than not I react in foolish ways, not always harmful, but pretty much always embarrassing,lol... I used to really hate this aspect of myself, but lately Ive grown to kinda embrace it, well not the harmful aspects of being a fool, but the fact that I am one, and for the most part just about everyone else is, and that in the end all we can hope to do is learn how to laugh at our silly foolish moments, get up during our clumsy foolish moments, and learn to go on living and loving after our truly terrible foolish moments... I guess Ive just come to the realization that you have no chance to beat the fool in you until you accept the fool in you... Dont know if that makes any sense to anybody else,lol, but its a little bit of whats been running through my mind lately...