Friday, December 12, 2008

"Try to approach the task with love and kindness in your heart."

Is what a recently made friend of mine said to a young women recently, full story found HERE,
And it really hit home reading that in the aftermath of a rather heated familial spat... It actually helped cool me down pretty fast so my introspection could kick in a bit...

I have a family member who treats me with complete disrespect most of the time unless Im bending over backwards for him, then he usually acknowledges it...

No, Im not trying to focus on what I perceive as this persons failings in their relationship with me, But my own... Yes, he is disrespectful, sometimes even quite hurtful, But I am the one who chooses how I react, I let it build up and build up till one day he just goes to far and I get really angry and arguements and shouting matches and all that horrible stuff happens, and I cant blame him for that, with him ive forgotten to practice what I always try to practice with the people in my life, to approach every situation with love and kindness in my heart, inspite of their behaviour, I have chosen to react with anger, and although its important that a person sticks up for themselves, it is not right that I allow that anger to dictate how I do it, I need to learn to let go of the anger I have when dealing with him and approach his behaviour with love and kindness, or at least in a more constructive manner than arguing and shouting.

Anger can act like a poison inside of you, it can really tear you up if you dont deal with it in a healthy and constructive manner, but just remember, nomatter how angry you are, nomatter what your feeling, you have the choice on how to react to those feelings and the things that maybe contributing to them, something or certain behaviours can make you angry, but the blame for how you react rests solely on your own shoulders.

p.s. I REALLY need to figure out some cheap/free ways to help relieve stress and negative emotions... Im open to any suggestions.


Jordan said...

I don't know if this will help you, but I will tell you some of the things I have done to help deal with anger, as I was at one time a seething ball of stress and god like rage. And I would also be willing to wager that you know all these things already but just need encouragement.

1. ZaZen!
2. A pointless hobby (like playing the shakuhachi, but take care to not be results orientated and instead be process orientated)
3. ZaZen!
4. Regular vigorous exercise.
5. ZaZen
6. Listening to the Dharma, I like the Dharma talks given by Ajan Bram, their free on itunes.
7. ZaZen!
8. Be kind, start with your self, then work outwards.
9. ZaZen!
10. Try to have at least one friend that is positive. Hang around them as much as you can without being a pest.
11. ZaZen!
12. Sangha, it is good to try and get involved with the local community if you can, help out where you can. All the help you give will come back to you anyway, just don't have any expectations.
13. ZaZen!
14. Expectations, will cause you frustration, try and drop them where you can.
15. ZaZen!
16. try and find a reliable ZaZen coach in your local area to work with.
17. ZaZen!
18. when you do get angry or feel stress, try and consider the causes that lead up to that point. Go deep!
19. ZaZen!
20. Practice acceptance, even if you must do something to make a change, accept things for how they are at the moment, then work on making improvements.

Ok, I hope that gives you something to chew on for a while.

I also wrote something for my daughters a while back here which some folks have said was useful.

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